the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
