I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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