I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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