i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
