would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
