he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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