Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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