I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
