I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
