Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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