no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
