I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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