theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
