Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
