So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
