he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
