did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
