You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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