We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
