help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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