Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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