This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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