I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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