dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
