During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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