just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
