I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
