it hurts more in the daytime
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
