any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
