Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
