How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
