Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
