maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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