just come out here and I will go home with you...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
