Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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