I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
