just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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