what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
