It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
