he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
did i walk over a car last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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