First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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