All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
