There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.