okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Found the puke drawer
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.