Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could teleport

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  (810): I wish I could teleport http://tfl.nu/48ko
  Replies (13) Good night (1556) Bad night (569)
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  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (968) Bad night (3936)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

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  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5438) Bad night (883)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen

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  (256): There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen http://tfl.nu/2fvb
  Replies (6) Good night (3606) Bad night (488)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.

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  (253): I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/jjfn
  Replies (13) Good night (4796) Bad night (944)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.

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  (708): If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal. http://tfl.nu/hb9y
  Replies (19) Good night (4627) Bad night (1352)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.

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  (317): After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now. http://tfl.nu/z4u1
  Replies (38) Good night (916) Bad night (8834)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.

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  (303): I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet. http://tfl.nu/l0f7
  Replies (14) Good night (870) Bad night (3706)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.

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  (785): Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both. http://tfl.nu/00se
  Replies (11) Good night (1025) Bad night (3798)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.

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  (304): He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex. http://tfl.nu/68r0
  Replies (17) Good night (2529) Bad night (493)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw

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  (+61): Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw http://tfl.nu/i9kl
  Replies (10) Good night (1385) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

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  (310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag
  Replies (6) Good night (1063) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?

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  (918): Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo? http://tfl.nu/ep0z
  Replies (22) Good night (1963) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.

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  (417): Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/szac
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.

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  (402): The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself. http://tfl.nu/0xuv
  Replies (0) Good night (424) Bad night (280)

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