I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.