And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?