i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.