Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
