She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
