real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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