thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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