I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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