I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
