She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
