no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
