the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Panties = found
Randomize
