idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
