Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
