laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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