His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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