YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
