Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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