After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
