zippers are such a cool invention
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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