I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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