we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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