4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
