Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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