Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
