his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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