also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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